I love the Lord, Jesus Christ, whose servant I'm trying to be.

Tonight's CES Fireside was given by Elder Holland...and it was incredible. He has always been my favorite speaker, and I feel like his talks always hit a chord with me. And tonight was no different.

I have been doing a lot of thinking lately. I've had a lot of time to myself to figure things out, and it has been a better situation that I thought it would. My favorite thing that Elder Holland said was,

"You never check your religion at the door. Not ever."

I wouldn't say that I have ever "checked my religion at the door"...but it helped me to see that there are a lot of ways that I can be better. I know I just turned 19, but I haven't been able to shake the thought of going on a mission...so that is where I am setting my sights right now. It also got me thinking about all of the people in my life that have shaped me, my values, the way I have directed my life and even my testimony. There have been numerous people who have put me where I am now, but there are a few stand-outs who I know I will never forget. So I'm going to take some time to talk about a few of those people, in no particular order. Maybe they'll come across this, maybe not. Either way...this is my journal. So...sorry not sorry? :)

Crystal Fox: 
Crystal was very first Beehive advisor. I remember thinking that she was the coolest person to walk the Earth. She was in her mid 20's at the time, and had just had her first baby. Both she and her life seemed flawless in every way. I knew, as a 12-year-old, I wanted nothing more than to be just like her. I listened to every single thing she said about the gospel, and I hung on to it. Her example will always stick with me. I still, 7 years later, love running into Crystal.

Janis Castillo:
When I first moved into the Woodbriar Ward, I was two weeks short of 16. Janis had been called as the ward young women president a matter of weeks before that. She and her family had just returned from Mexico City, having just finished supporting her husband in his call as mission president. The day I turned 16 (it was a Sunday), she knocked on my front door and handed me two books. The first? A copy of the Book of Mormon. The second? Preach My Gospel. I had never finished the Book of Mormon, and to be honest? At that time in my life, I didn't have much interest in it either. Being new in the ward, I didn't want to be the awkward new girl, and there was a competition between the YW classes of who read the most pages every week. I didn't want to be the letdown. So I started reading. 14 days and 531 pages later, I had finished. I can't tell you everything I read. I can't sit and quote scripture, nor could I recite many of the stories contained within the book. But I can tell you all about how it made me feel. I know it was true because I could feel it. I dove into Preach My Gospel. Janis paired us off and had us going into homes in the ward and teaching. It brought me, Jane, Sady, McKenzie, Kenzi, Kalie, Kellie and Natalie closer together that I ever thought possible. We still get together and open Preach My Gospel whenever we get the chance. I will always love PMG for that, and for what it taught me. And I will always love Janis for giving us that learning experience, as well as for being the best mentor I have ever had.

Sady Pusey:
Remember the Book of Mormon story? Well. She was a major part of the reason I ever started. She supported me through the tough times, and was never afraid to bear her testimony to me. We've both been through our own ups and downs of life, but we've always been around to support each other through them. And most importantly? To remind each other of what is most important.

Ashley Lindberg:

This girl. Hahahaha. Where do I even start? Ashley has helped me to understand the concept of eternity and eternal families in ways that I know I've needed. She was right by my side through some of the most terrifying times of my life, and she was there to remind me about the plan of salvation, and the reason that we are here...as well as where we go after. It is thanks to Ash that I have a much deeper understanding of life after death. It is because of Ashley, and wanting to help her in whatever small way possible, that I wanted to learn more. I wanted to know for myself that we don't just lose the people we love after they leave us for a time. And it is thanks to Ashley that I can say I know that families can be together forever. I will always love her for that.

Jane Campbell:
Jane has been one of the greatest role models I have ever had. When I moved to a new elementary in 5th grade, she was the first person to befriend me, and we've been inseparable ever since. Even as we grow older and grow further apart, we always manage to fall right back into place where we left off. Jane has impacted my testimony in countless ways. She has such a deep understanding of and love for the gospel, and I loved the every second of the opportunity that I had to learn from and with her.

Maddy Richards:
So, Maddy has been kind of a big deal in my life over the last year. Although we didn't see each other every day--or very often at all--she impacted me and my testimony in a big way. Maddy bore to me one of the most powerful and convincing witnesses of the Savior that I have ever heard. She has a love for and relationship with her Savior that I longed for. It is thanks to Maddy that I sought after that relationship with Jesus Christ. I wanted Him to be MY best friend, too. I wanted to feel the peace that she so confidently told me of. I will never forget Maddy for what she taught me about the Savior.

Emilie Anne Facer:
Emi, no exaggeration, is one of the (if not thee) greatest people I have ever met. No, we don't have cute campfire testimony meetings every week. Or do we ever sit and bear hardcore testimony. But that is the remarkable thing about Em. She doesn't have to preach what she knows or feels...because she lives it in every way possible. I'm pretty sure she is the definition of a disciple of Christ. I don't have any doubt that Emi has a firm testimony of the restored gospel of Jesus Christ. She has made me want to be better, in some way or another, every single day since the day I met her. And that is why she is truly my greatest example. I want to emanate the gospel and my love for the Savior in the way that Emi can without even trying. She is just so good, and I want that, too. I've always heard church leaders and sacrament meeting speakers talk about how members of the LDS church stand out to those who aren't of our religion. They always explain it as someone having a "spirit about them" or a "light about them/in their eyes". Emi is the epitome of that. On top of all of that? Any spiritual advice Emi ever has is golden, and I take it to heart. I value her opinion and advice above anyone else's. She doesn't know about even a fraction of the impact that she has had on my life, in every way possible. And that is why I will always be grateful for the way that she has changed me and my life.

Ronnie:
My dad isn't the kind of dad that bears his testimony often, or talks about the church much at all for that matter. We don't do family prayer or scripture study in my house, nor can I remember the last family home evening we had. But my dad has had such a deep, impacting spiritual influence on me. He has always made very blatant remarks about how he wants me to serve a mission, and never fails to tell me that it was "the best decision he ever made". I know my dad has a deep, burning testimony. And I also know that he wants that for me and my siblings too. It is through his silent example that I strive to be better every day.


I promise you there are dozens more people who deserve every ounce of gratitude that I have, and I know the list will continue to grow.

The most important thing I took away from Elder Holland's fireside is that I have to stick up for what I believe and what I know to be true. I have to. And on top of that? I want to. I want to share how happy the gospel makes me. How joyful it makes me. How it can give someone as imperfect and flawed as myself hope for what is to come. How, at times, it has been all I had--and all I needed. I want to share the incredible message that families can be together for all of eternity. That we don't have to lose the ones that we love the most. I want to share it with everyone.

"When [Jesus Christ] comes, I so want to be caught living the gospel. I want to be surprised right in the act of spreading the faith and doing something good, if I can...I want Him to tell me, 'I recognize you, not by your title, but by your life. The way you are trying to live and the standards that you're trying to defend. I know the integrity of your heart, and I know you tried to make things better...I know you weren't always successful, but I believe you honestly tried. I believe, in your heart, you truly loved me.'"

                                                                                      -Elder Jeffrey R. Holland

What Matters Most

I had the opportunity to go to the Brigham City temple open house today. It was the very first open house that I have ever been to, so I honestly didn't know what to expect. I've been in the baptismal font to do baptisms for the dead dozens of times...but every other part of the temple is a mystery to me. So, needless to say, I was pretty excited.

We started by watching a video before the tour. It explained the history of temples and had a few apostles talking about why they are important. What Elder Holland had to say at the end of the video really struck me. He started tearing up while talking about his wife. He explained that he didn't know what he would do if he couldn't have both her and their family forever.

While the entire tour of the temple was amazing (the entire building is remarkably beautiful. Beyond explanation), one moment really stuck out to me. I had been anxiously awaiting being able to walk through the sealing room for the entire tour. I was curious. I mean, I k ow what the room is meant to look like. I know about the mirrors and the marriage altar. But I wanted to know how it felt. If it felt right. If what I've been told to work towards my entire life felt RIGHT. I knew it was the moment I walked into the room. If heaven is anything like that single room in the temple, then I know I am doing absolutely everything that I can to get there. I didn't want to leave, because I knew that I wouldn't be back until the day that I get to kneel across the altar from my sweetheart.

Another kind of...bizarre? thing happened to me. I was absolutely blown away by the beauty of the "instruction room". I have never been as sure as a was today that I want to serve a mission. I want to spend all day every day introducing people to their Savior, and showing them all that IS the Gospel. All that I live my life for. And I can't wait for that day.

Leaving the temple left me thinking. It made me see how mundane this life can be and how important it is to have an eternal perspective in all that we do.

I love being a Mormon, and I wouldn't trade the knowledge I've gained through the experiences I've had for anything in the world. The church is true.

Great Story, Great Lesson

There was a boy by the name of Steve who was attending Seminary in Utah. In this Seminary classes are held during school hours. Brother Christianson taught Seminary at this particular school. He had an open-door policy and would take in any student that had been thrown out of another class as long as they would abide by his rules. Steve had been kicked out of his sixth period and no other teacher wanted him, so he went into Brother Christianson’s Seminary class.

Steve was told that he could not be late, so he arrived just seconds before the bell rang and he would sit in the very back of the room. He would also be the first to leave after the class was over.

One day, Brother Christianson asked Steve to stay after class so he could talk with him. After class, Bro.
Christianson pulled Steve aside and said, ‘You think you’re pretty tough, don’t you?’

Steve’s answer was, ‘Yeah, I do.’

Then Brother Christianson asked, ‘How many push-ups can you do?’

Steve said, ‘I do about 200 every night.’

’200? That’s pretty good, Steve,’ Brother Christianson said. ‘Do you think you could do 300?’

Steve replied, ‘I don’t know… I’ve never done 300 at a time.’

’Do you think you could?’ Again asked Brother Christianson.

’Well, I can try,’ said Steve.

’Can you do 300 in sets of 10? I need you to do 300 in sets of ten for this to work. Can you do it? I need you to tell me you can do it,’ Brother Christianson said. Steve said, ‘Well… I think I can… yeah, I can do it.’

Brother Christianson said, ‘Good! I need you to do this on Friday.’

Friday came and Steve got to class early and sat in the front of the ro om. When class started, Brother Christianson pulled out a big box of donuts. Now these weren’t the normal kinds of donuts, they were the extra fancy BIG kind, with cream centers and frosting swirls. Everyone was pretty excited-it was Friday, the last class of the day, and they were going to get an early start on the weekend.

Bro. Christianson went to the first girl in the first row and asked, ‘Cynthia, do you want a donut?’

Cynthia said, ‘Yes.’

Bro. Christianson then turned to Steve and asked, ‘Steve, would you do ten push-ups so that Cynthia can have a donut?’

Steve said, ‘Sure,’ and jumped down from his desk to do a quick ten. Then Steve again sat in his desk. Bro. Christianson put a donut on Cynthia’s desk.

Bro. Christianson then went to Joe, the next person, and asked, ‘Joe do you want a donut?’

Joe said, ‘Yes.’ Bro. Christianson asked, ‘Steve would you do ten push- ups so Joe can have a donut?’ Steve did ten push-ups, Joe got a donut.

And so it went, down the first aisle, Steve did ten pushups for every person before they got their donut. And down the second aisle, till Bro. Christianson came to Scott.

Scott was captain of the football team and center of the basketball team. He was very popular and never lacking for female companionship. Then Bro. Christianson asked, ‘Scott do you want a donut?’

Scott’s reply was, ‘Well, can I do my own pushups?’

Bro. Christianson said, ‘No, Steve has to do them.’

Then Scott said, ‘Well, I don’t want one then.’

Bro. Christianson then turned to Steve and asked, ‘Steve, would you do ten pushups so Scott can have a donut he doesn’t want?’

Steve started to do ten pushups. Scott said, ‘HEY! I said I didn’t want one!’
< BR> Bro. Christianson said, ‘Look, this is my classroom, my class, my desks, and my donuts. Just leave it on the desk if you don’t want it.’ And he put a donut on Scott’s desk.

Now by this time, Steve had begun to slow down a little. He just stayed on the floor between sets because it took too much effort to be getting up and down. You could start to see a little perspiration coming out around his brow. Bro. Christianson started down the third row. Now the students were beginning to get a little angry.

Bro. Christianson asked Jenny, ‘Jenny, do you want a donut?’

Jenny said, ‘No.’

Then Bro. Christianson asked Steve, ‘Steve, would you do ten pushups so Jenny can have a donut that she doesn’t want?’ Steve did ten, Jenny got a donut.

By now, the students were beginning to say ‘No’ and there were all these uneaten donuts on the desks. Steve was also having to really put forth a lot of eff ort to get these pushups done for each donut. There began to be a small pool of sweat on the floor beneath his face, his arms and brow were beginning to get red because of the physical effort involved.

Bro. Christianson asked Robert to watch Steve to make sure he did ten pushups in a set because he couldn’t bear to watch all of Steve’s work for all of those uneaten donuts. So Robert began to watch Steve closely. Bro. Christianson started down the fourth row.

During his class, however, some students had wandered in and sat along the heaters along the sides of the room. When Bro. Christianson realized this; he did a quick count and saw 34 students in the room. He started to worry if Steve would be able to make it.

Bro. Christianson went on to the next person and the next and the next. Near the end of that row, Steve was really having a rough time. He was taking a lot more time to complete each set.

Steve asked Bro. Christianson, ‘Do I have to make my nose touch on each one?’

Bro. Christianson thought for a moment, ‘Well, they’re your pushups. You can do them any way that you want.’ And Bro. Christianson went on.

A few moments later, Jason came to the room and was about to come in when all the students yelled, ‘NO! Don’t come in! Stay out!’

Jason didn’t know what was going on. Steve picked up his head and said, ‘No, let him come.’

Bro. Christianson said, ‘You realize that if Jason comes in you will have to do ten pushups for him.’

Steve said, ‘Yes, let him come in.’

Bro. Christianson said, ‘Okay, I’ll let you get Jason’s out of the way right now. Jason, do you want a donut?’

’Yes.’

’Steve, will you do ten pushups so that Jason can have a donut?’ Steve did ten pushups very slowly an d with great effort. Jason, bewildered, was handed a donut and sat down.

Bro. Christianson finished the fourth row, then started on those seated on the heaters. Steve’s arms were now shaking with each pushup in a struggle to lift himself against the force of gravity. Sweat was dropping off of his face and, by this time, there was not a dry eye in the room.

The very last two girls in the room were cheerleaders and very popular. Bro. Christianson went to Linda, the second to last, and asked, ‘Linda, do you want a doughnut?

Linda said, very sadly, ‘No, thank you.’

Bro. Christianson asked Steve, ‘Steve, would you do ten pushups so that Linda can have a donut she doesn’t want?’

Grunting from the effort, Steve did ten very slow pushups for Linda. Then Bro. Christianson turned to the last girl, Susan. ‘Susan, do you want a donut?’

Susan, with tears flowing down her face, asked , ‘Bro. Christianson , can I help him?’

Bro. Christianson, with tears of his own, said, ‘No, he has to do it alone, Steve, would you do ten pushups so Susan can have a donut?’

As Steve very slowly finished his last pushup, with the understanding that he had accomplished all that was required of him, having done 350 pushups, his arms buckled beneath him and he fell to the floor.

Brother Christianson turned to the room and said. ‘And so it was, that our Savior, Jesus Christ, plead to the Father, ‘Into thy hands I commend my spirit.’ With the understanding that He had done everything that was required of Him, he collapsed on the cross and died. And like some of those in this room, many of us leave the gift on the desk, uneaten.’ .

When everyone in the classroom heard what the teacher meant by it and realized everything. Steve smiled on the ground where he laid in his own sweat and began to cry.

Things That Make Me Happy

• The smell of bread/cinnamon rolls baking
• When my dog wants to sit on my lap
• Hearing a new song with a sick beat
• Unexpected compliments
• Unexpected text messages
• Big hugs from great friends
• Anything Will Ferrell does/says/thinks about
• New friends
• Running into old friends
• 15+ likes on a facebook status... ;)
• Having someone say, "I love you".
• Eating cheesecake 
• Eating pumpkin pie
• When my brother says something clever and funny. And I take credit for all he knows.
• Taking the perfect picture without even meaning to.
• Catching a beautiful skyline
• When a radio station plays a song I love, so I crank it with the windows down
• My favorite comfy sweatshirt
• Wrapping up in a gecko blanket
• When my favorite movie is on TV, and I see it in the guide right as it's starting
• Going out to dinner with my family
• Diet Coke from McDonald's--seriously. It's better there.
• Seeing people I know while in the temple
• FREE SINGLES ON ITUNES THAT ARE ACTUALLY GOOD
• Bridezillas
• Painting my bedroom. Knowing I have a blank canvas to do whatever I please
• Being artistic
• Hot tubbin'
• Sarcastic, snide or witty comments
• LDS hymn arrangements
• A boy who can sing and play the guitar (well...?)
• STARBUCKS HOT CHOCOLATE. No joke...the sell the mix at Costco
• Whipped cream made from actually heavy cream and sugar..on grandma's waffles
• Waking up and realizing I still have an hour to sleep
• Ordering fajitas at a restaurant and having it come to my table still sizzling
• Using the snow in my front yard to chill my beverage of choice. Or as ice in my water bottle
• Whispering to my friend about whether or not I'll see a movie while watching previews in a movie theater
• Music with such great bass that you can feel it in your heart--literally
• High-fiving a stranger
• People that make me laugh when I don't want to
• When someone unexpectedly remembers something I told them forever ago
• That moment of silence and anticipation between lightning and thunder
• Helping an insect that's struggling to do something
• When someone snorts laughing...because I'm just that funny
• Drinking milk straight out of the carton. Especially after eating cake.
• Getting to be the person that lays down in the front for a group picture
• Working with/meeting/talking to special needs kids
• Airborne hugs
• Rainbows
• Drinking from a hose
• 3:00 a.m. conversations with my best friend
• Laying in cold, shaded grass in the summer
• Sunglasses
• That point in the book where I can't stop reading
• Free. Samples.
• Having an awkward ringtone
• The sound of a golf ball falling into the cup
• When shuffle reads my mind
• The sound of Bono's voice
• Eating frozen orange juice mix out of the can with a wooden spoon
• Daydreaming perfect situations before falling asleep
• Being able to give someone intelligent driving directions
• Staring into a bonfire
• Wearing pajama pants to wal mart
• When the song playing on my radio when I'm waking up in the morning finds its way into my dream
• When someone plays with my hair
• When I can hear it snowing
• Holding a blanket up to the fireplace until it gets warm
• Running through sprinklers
• The smell of a new book
• Getting a "look" from someone I know so well that I know exactly what they're trying to say
• When the Christmas tree is the only light in the room
• Wearing a boys sweatshirt, because it still smells like them
• Getting dressed out of the dryer
• Stargazing
• The first signs of SLC when I'm coming home from a long trip
• Seeing old people holding hands
• Realizing I still remember the words to a song I haven't heard in 8 years
• Hearing someone's heart beat
• The moon. Always
• Typing an essay that was assigned in double space in single space, and then double spacing it at the end to feel like you did a whole lot more
• When a stranger laughs at something funny I say
• Stupid Youtube videos
• Going to a movie theater by yourself
• When someone knows me well enough to finally spell my name right
• Sleeping in my bed
• Getting someone else to scratch the spot on your back that you can't reach
• Singing a guitar solo
• Eating ridiculous things for breakfast
• Being able to check someone out without getting caught cause I have sunglasses on
• Driving over a small hill in my car that gives me that "roller coaster" feeling in my stomach
• Staying up so late that everything is hilarious
• Horrible fake accents
• Really good fake accents
• Real accents
• Making a hole in mashed potatoes for gravy
• When a work friend becomes an outside of work friend
• When a song reminds you of someone you love
• When someone saves me a seat
• Grilled cheese and ketchup

....to be continued.

Swedish Fish

Today, I would like to share with you the miracle of the Swedish Fish.

I was running a little late to class this morning, so I didn't have time to grab anything to eat. I was tired and knew I would have a hard time keeping my eyes open. So I stopped at the vending machine at the end of my dorm hall. I had four quarters in my wallet--just enough for Swedish Fish! So, I put my money in, and noticed that the machine told me I had $2 in credit! Someone must have left money in the machine. So I pushed the number/letter combination for my $1 Swedish Fish. As the machine began to unravel the large metal coil located at C7 to release my candy, it caught on the corner. Everyone's worst nightmare. Right as I wanted to throw my hands up in frustration, I noticed that the machine said, "selection sold out. make another selection". I still had $2 credit! So I pushed good ol' C7 again, and received not just one, but TWO bags of Swedish Fish, as well as my original four quarters back. Talk about luck, and a good start to a very long day!

I knew this guy, who knew this guy...who knew this guy..who knew this guy's COUSIN..

What's been on my mind lately? Acquaintances!

...how completely stupid does that sound?

At least give me a chance to explain myself.

I went to an end of summer party last night with a lot of kids who will be seniors at VHS and DHS. I know, I know. How in the world did I end up there? Exactly my point! I have met so many people through...other people. It's kind of crazy how that happens, I think. I've even made a few great friends out of the situation. People that I will miss when I leave, because I know I probably won't see them again.

Maybe that's what's getting to me the most. Knowing I won't see people again. And also knowing that it is completely inevitable--there is nothing I can do about it. Everything is changing, and I have to learn to sit back, relax, and let it happen. 

So...who gets a blog post shout out this time?! A few people.

Emi--you are great. You crack me up, and I think we would be best friends if we had met earlier. I'm pretty sure we should still be best friends anyway. AND married on Facebook..

Ashley--my cancer-hater-partner! In all seriousness, though. Although I hardly know you as well as I wish that I could have, it was awesome to have someone to be angry with. I admire you for a million and ten reasons.

Maddy--you don't have a personal bubble, I don't have a personal bubble...therefore, we became friends. You always made me feel welcome anytime I was around, and that meant the world to me. You are a super sweet girl, and I've loved getting to know you.

Spenser--you are one of the coolest girls I have ever met in my entire life. I remember seeing you in passing occasionally at South Davis, but we never seemed to cross paths. I loved getting to know you better over the last couple years. You're a strong girl with a million great things ahead of you! Lunch soon. Promise. 

Angela--Over the last few years, you have become one of my very closest friends and confidants. I have absolutely no idea where I would be without you. I am so glad that, by some miracle, we met through Katie. :) You strengthened me, my testimony, and made me a better person. Thanks for always being around to pick me back up off the ground. I love you!

EMILY--Seminary buddy! Bro. Z was the worst...but you were the best of friends! I can't believe you are engaged?! But I am SO happy for you. You will make a beautiful bride. Thank you for keeping me SANE and GOING to seminary. Even that one time that we ditched, felt bad, and went back to class. I'm so glad I had good friends that said, "Emily is in your class!? Be her friend, she is the greatest!"

Natalie--Best friend, car buddy, dirty joke partner. I love you too much for words. I am so glad that the girls in our ward brought us together. You are one of the most incredible individuals that I have ever come across. You were always so strong, and held me up most days. You are the most loyal friend and genuine person I have ever seen. Thank you for changing me.

If you read this and weren't mentioned...don't fret! It's probably because I met you myself, not through someone else. Your time for a post will come.. :)